so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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