We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
