saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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