ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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