i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
