omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
