I swear she didn't look like that last week.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
