I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just forgot I was standing up.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
