im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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