so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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