You work out of a Hotel?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He? As in you personified your dick?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
