my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
