remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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