Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
well you can't waste a boner
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
