Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
