he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
