I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
