i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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