You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
either way he was missing a nipple.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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