I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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