Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
