it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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