I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
