In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
