I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
