i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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