Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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