If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
tonight lets celebrate not being married
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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