Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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