If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
