coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
