Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
