C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Randomize
