why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
