I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you didnt know i had herpes?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
