Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm passing your future prison.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
