Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
why do cheetos always look like penises
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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