Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You pole danced in your parka.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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