Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
