he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
