you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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