I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
