Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
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