If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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