I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
