Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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