Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
