This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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