I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
