So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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