I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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