Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
The feeling are messing with the penis
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
