its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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