Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
