How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
