I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
