If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
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