did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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