dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
