I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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