never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Randomize
