in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize