I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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