That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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