dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize