Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Mom said you looked used
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
