yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
